Somehow it feels appropriate I put this here. This year my Christmas spirit is in short supply. That brings me back to a Christmas about 3 years ago. I was really depressed that year and a friend went out of her way to try to make a happy Christmas day for me. She sent me a big box with many things in it including a little green Christmas tree. It is fully decorated and has a MERRY CHRISTMAS sign on it. Her kindness and thoughtfulness was the best gift I got that year. Because I do not have much Christmas spirit this year I decided to put out that little tree. It looks so cute setting there on the stand with my little angle perched on top of it. How sad is it that the person that gave me that wonderful Christmas is no longer a part of my life. It is not because I wanted it that way. I miss her every day. Ohhhhhh she is not dead. Because of something I said to her she has blocked me and refuses to unblock me. A couple mutual friends have asked he to she says no. How does one make amends or even say sorry if the person you wish to talk to does not also want it? I am not going to pretend I was innocent I felt picked on when another friend of ours tried to sort the differences out. I felt like they were ganging up on me. It probably was not the case as the mutual friend is one of the people I trust most on the net, but I have a little ptsd and if I feel cornered I come out fighting and I will use what ever I got. I am not proud of it, but in the words of my nephew it is what it is. All I wanted was for them to back off at the time. Well I got that, but I got something I never wanted I got put on the ignore list of someone what has always been very special to me.
That little tree she sent me out of the goodness of her heart stands in my living room today as my hope some day she will find it in her heart to rethink things. I do not know maybe I am crazy, but I do not throw away a friend just because they say or do something stupid to me. I will step back calm down and then try to figure out what was going on with them when they did it, but not everyone is like that.
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LET'S ALL REMEMBER THE ONLY PERFECT PERSON DIED ON A CROSS THOUSANDS OF YEARS AGO.
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